I notice I only write here when I'm sad.  So in typical Lesley fashion, here I go...


My day went down the drain after my mother got home.  Instantly she made up 3 random chores she apparently told me to do while they were gone today.  She never told me anything of the sort.  She told me to do the dishes at 8:30am and I got up and did them.  Then I slept for the rest of the day till 4:30pm.  


When she gets home every day all I can do is seclude myself in my stuffy room for hours till she goes up to her bedroom for the rest of the night after dinner.  It feels awful.  I haven't had a cold sip of water all day.  My mouth feels dirty.  I feel dead in here.. trapped.  Listening to The Smiths makes me feel better and much worse at the same time.  I never thought I'd say this, because up till now it always sounded like a load of rubbish to me, but I really can see the beauty in my sadness now.  It's all due to Morrissey honestly.  He comforts me through so many awful empty days.  It doesn't make me feel better, but he romanticizes the pain and that somehow makes it more bearable.


....I have to go.